whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Holy sore nipples Batman
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
