Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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