So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
