What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
