Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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