I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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