This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
