she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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