It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
