She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
