listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
