We're facebook friends in real life
I think I won the penis lottery.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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