I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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