Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
