i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
