i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
