i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
