I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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