Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
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