Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
