You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
