Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
