How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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