I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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