He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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