I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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