my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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