you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
