Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
