My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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