Pants 0. Shit 1.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
