btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
