Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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