I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
