I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
