you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
