I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
