i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
