Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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