she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You took a bar mat shot.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
