you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
