Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
