Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
