I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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