At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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