i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
