Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so let's talk penis.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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