if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
