MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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