We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
