He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
