There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
