he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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