i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
