My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
