I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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