her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
