Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
